Reunion on Rocky Shores Page 16

  He didn’t have to say the words for her to accept the reality that nothing had changed. He was still leaving in a few days, and she would be left here alone with her pain.

  “Will, it’s okay,” she lied. “My eyes were wide open when I walked into your house. No illusions here, I promise.”

  “I’m so sorry.” His voice was tight with genuine regret and she shook her head.

  “I’m not. Not for an instant.”

  She drew in a breath, gathering the last vestiges of courage left inside her for what somehow she suddenly knew she had to say.

  “While we’re tossing our cards out on the table, I think I should tell you why I’m here.”

  His expression turned wary. “Why?”

  She sighed. “You haven’t figured it out? I’m in love with you, Will.”

  The words hovered between them, raw and naked, and she had to smile a little at the sudden panic in his eyes.

  “I know. It was a big shock for me, too. I’m not telling you that as some kind of underhanded tactic to convince you to stay. I know that nothing I say will change your mind and, believe me, I don’t expect my feelings to change your decision in any way. I just felt that you should know. I wouldn’t be here with you right now if I didn’t love you—it’s just not the kind of thing I do.”

  “I think some part of me guessed as much,” he admitted.

  “You’ve been in my heart for sixteen years, Will. Through my parents’ divorce, through my own difficult teen years, through the breakup of my marriage, some part of me remembered that summer with you as a wonderful, magical time. Maybe the best summer of my life. You were my first love and I’ve never forgotten you.”

  “Julia…”

  She shook her head, willing herself not to cry. Not now, not yet. “You don’t have to say it. I know, we were different people then. And to be honest, the place you held in my heart was precious but only a tiny, dusty little spot, a corner I peeked into once in awhile with a smile and fond memories but then quickly forgot again.”

  She forced a smile. “And then I came back to Cannon Beach and here you were. As I came to know you all over again, I revisited those memories and realized that the boy I fell in love with back then had become a good, honorable man. A man who takes great pride in a job well done, who talks to dogs, who cares deeply about his neighbors and is kind to children…even when they make him bleed inside.”

  She touched his cheek, wishing with all her heart that he was ready to accept the precious, healing gift she so wanted to offer him.

  Even as she touched him, though, she didn’t miss his slight, barely perceptible flinch.

  “Don’t. Don’t love me, Julia.” His voice was ragged, anguished. “I’ll only hurt you.”

  “I know you will.” She managed a wobbly smile, even though she could swear she heard the sound of her heart cracking apart. “But I’ll survive it.”

  She kissed him again, a soft, sincere benediction, then stepped away to shrug into her jacket. “I have to go.”

  He didn’t argue, just pulled on his own shirt and boots. “I’ll walk you back.”

  “I have Conan. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll walk you back,” he said firmly.

  She nodded, realizing that arguing with him would only be a waste of strength and energy, two commodities she had a feeling she would be needing in the days ahead.

  In truth, she didn’t mind. These were probably her last few moments with him and she wanted to savor every second.

  Conan was again waiting expectantly by the back door. He cocked his head, his expression quizzical. She had no idea what he could read in their expressions but he whined a little.

  More than anything, she wanted to bury her face in his fur and sob but she managed to keep her composure as Will handed her an umbrella and picked up a flashlight hanging on a hook by the door.

  The slow, steady rain perfectly matched her mood. She shivered a little and zipped up her jacket, then headed toward Brambleberry House.

  Will didn’t share the umbrella—instead, he simply pulled the hood of his Gore-Tex jacket up, which given the dark and the rain effectively obscured his features.

  They walked in silence and even Conan seemed subdued, almost sad. Instead of his usual ebullient energy, he plodded along beside her with his head hanging down.

  As for Will, he seemed as distant and unreachable as the Cape Meares lighthouse.

  She shouldn’t have told him her feelings, she thought. He already carried enough burdens. He didn’t need that one, too.

  He finally spoke when they approached the gates of Brambleberry House, but they weren’t words she wanted to hear.

  “Julia, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “Please don’t be sorry we made love. I’m not.”

  “I should be. Sorry about that, I mean. But I’m not. It was…right. That’s not what I meant. Mostly, I guess I’m sorry things can’t be different, that we have all these years and pain between us.”

  She touched his cheek. “The years and the pain shaped us, Will. They’re part of who we are now.”

  He turned his head and kissed her fingers, then pulled her into his arms once more. His kiss was tender, gentle, with an underlying note of finality to it. When he drew away, her throat ached with unshed tears.

  “You’re not leaving until after the wedding, are you?”

  He nodded. “Sage would kill me if I missed her big day. My flight leaves the next morning.”

  “Well, I’ll see you then, anyway. Goodbye, Will.”

  She had a million things she wanted to say but this wasn’t the time. None of them would make a difference anyway.

  Instead, she managed one last shaky smile and tugged Conan up the stairs and into the entry, forcing herself not to look back as she heard his muffled footsteps on the sidewalk.

  Anna’s apartment door opened the moment Julia closed the front door behind her, and Sage and Anna both peeked their heads out into the entryway. They had changed into pajamas and she could smell the aroma of popcorn from inside the apartment.

  Conan hurried inside as soon as she unclipped his leash, probably looking for any stray kernels that might have been dropped. She would have smiled if she thought she could manage it.

  “So?” Sage demanded. “What happened? You were gone forever. Did you talk Will into staying?”

  As much as she had come to love both the other women in just the few short months she had been in Cannon Beach, she couldn’t bear their curiosity right now, not when her emotions had been scraped to the bone.

  “No,” she said, her voice low. “His mind is made up.”

  Sage made a sound of disgust but Anna gave her a searching, entirely perceptive look. She was suddenly aware that her hair was probably a mess and she no doubt had whisker burns on her skin.

  “It’s not your fault, Julia,” she said after a moment. “I’m sure you tried your best.”

  She fought an almost hysterical urge to laugh. To hide it, she yanked off her jacket and hung it back in the closet. “He has his reasons. He didn’t take the job with Eben on a whim, I can promise you that.”

  “That still doesn’t make it right!” Sage exclaimed.

  “As people who…who care about him, we owe it to Will to respect his decision, even if we don’t agree with it or think it’s necessarily the best one for him.”

  Sage looked as if she wanted to argue but Anna silenced her with a long, steady look.

  “He won’t change his mind?” Anna asked.

  “I don’t think so,” Julia said.

  To her surprise, though Sage was usually the demonstrative one, this time Anna was the one who pulled her into her arms for a hug. “Thanks for trying. I know it was hard for you.”

  You have no idea, she thought, even as Sage hugged her as well. For just a moment, Julia thought she smelled freesia and it was almost as if Abigail herself was there offering understanding and comfort.

  “Don’t badger him about it, okay?” she
said. “It was a hard decision for him to make but I think taking the job is something he…he needs to do right now.”

  “Are you okay?” Anna murmured.

  For one terrible moment, the sympathy in her friend’s voice almost made her weep but she blinked away the tears. “Fine. Just fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Anna didn’t look convinced but to her immense relief, she didn’t push. “You look exhausted. You’d better get some rest.”

  She nodded with a grateful look. “It’s been a long day,” she agreed. “Good night.”

  She quickly turned and hurried up the stairs, praying she could make it inside before breaking down.

  After she closed the door behind her, she checked on the twins and found them sleeping peacefully, then returned to the darkened living room. Against her will, she moved to the windows overlooking his house and saw lights on again in his workshop.

  The thought of him in his solitary workshop by himself, putting the finishing touches on Maddie’s spectacular dollhouse was the last straw. Tears slid down her cheeks to match the rain trickling down the window and she stood for a long time in the dark, aching and alone.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Three days later, he stood on the edge of the dance floor in the elegant reception room of The Sea Urchin, doing his level best not to spend the entire evening staring at Julia like the lovesick teenager he had once been.

  He hadn’t seen her since the night they had shared together but he was quite certain he hadn’t spent more than ten minutes without thinking about her—remembering the softness of her skin, her sweet response to him, the shock that had settled in gut when she told him she loved him.

  Just now she was dancing with her son, laughing as she tried to show him the steps of the fox-trot. She looked bright and vibrant and beautiful in a lovely, flowing green dress that matched her eyes. Despite her apparent enjoyment in the evening, he was almost certain he had caught a certain sadness in her eyes whenever their gazes happened to collide, and his heart ached, knowing he had put it there.

  He couldn’t stay much longer. He was leaving in the morning and still had work to do packing and closing up his house for an indefinite time. Beyond that, it hurt more than he ever would have dreamed to keep his distance from Julia, to stand on the sidelines and watch her, knowing he could never have her.

  He needed to at least talk to Sage before he escaped, he knew. When the music ended and she returned to the edge of the dance floor on the arm of ancient Mr. Delarosa, one of Abigail’s old friends, he hurried to claim her before anyone else.

  “Have any dances left for an old friend?”

  Surprise flickered in her eyes, then she gave him a brilliant smile. “Of course!”

  He wasn’t much of a dancer but he did his best, grateful at least that it was another slow song and he wasn’t going to have to make an idiot out of himself by trying to shake and groove.

  “You make a stunning bride, kiddo,” he said when they fell into a rhythm. “Who ever would have believed it?”

  He gave an exaggerated wince when she punched him lightly in the shoulder.

  “You know I’m teasing,” he said, squeezing the fingers he held. “I’m thrilled for you and Eben, Sage. I really am. You’re a beautiful bride and it was a beautiful ceremony.”

  “It was, wasn’t it? I only wish Abigail could have been here.”

  “I don’t doubt she was, in her own way.”

  She smiled, as he intended. “I think you’re probably right. I was quite sure I smelled freesia at least once while Eben and I were exchanging our vows.”

  “I’m glad the weather held for you.” It had been a gorgeous, sunny day, warm and lovely, a rarity on the coast for October.

  “I thought for sure we were going to have to move everything inside for the ceremony but the weather couldn’t have been more perfect.”

  “That’s because Mother Nature knows she owes you big-time for all your do-gooder, save-the-world efforts. She wouldn’t dare ruin your big day with rain.”

  She laughed softly then sobered quickly. “I forgot, I’m not supposed to be speaking to you. I’m still mad at you.”

  “Don’t start, Sage. We’ve been over this. I’m going. But it’s not forever—I’ll be back.”

  “It won’t be the same.”

  “Nothing will. Look at you, Mrs. Spencer. You’re moving to San Francisco with Eben and Chloe. Things change, Sage.”

  “I’m going to miss you, darn it. You’re the big, annoying, overprotective brother I’ve always wanted, Will.”

  He was more touched than he would dare admit. “And since the day you moved in to Brambleberry House, you’ve been like a bratty little sister to me, always sure you know what’s best for everyone.”

  She made a harumph kind of sound. “That’s because I do. For instance, I am quite certain you’re making a huge mistake to leave Cannon Beach and a certain resident of Brambleberry House who shall remain nameless.”

  “Who? Conan?”

  She smacked his shoulder again. “You know who I mean. Julia.”

  He shook his head. “Leave it alone, Sage.”

  “I won’t.” She stuck her chin out with a stubbornness he should have expected, knowing Sage. “If Abigail were here, she would tell you the exact same thing. You can’t lie to me, you have feelings for Julia, don’t you?”

  “None of your business. This is a great band, by the way. Where did you find them?”

  “I didn’t, Jade Wu did. You know perfectly well she handled all the wedding details. And I won’t let you change the subject. What kind of idiot walks away from a woman as fabulous as Julia, who just happens to be crazy about him?”

  “I’m going to leave you right here in the middle of the dance floor if you don’t back off,” he warned her. Though he spoke amicably enough, he put enough steel in his voice that he hoped she got the message.

  She gave him a piercing look and then her gaze suddenly softened. “You’re as miserable as she is! You know you are.”

  He shifted his gaze to Julia, who was dancing and smiling with the owner of the bike shop—who just happened to be the biggest player in town.

  “She doesn’t look miserable to me.”

  They were several couples away from them on the dance floor, but just at that moment, her partner swung her around so she was facing him. They made eye contact and for one sizzling moment, it was as if they were alone in the room.

  He caught his breath, snared by those deep green eyes for a long moment, until her partner turned her again.

  “She does a pretty good job of hiding it, but she is,” Sage said.

  She paused, then met his gaze. “Did I ever tell you how I almost lost Eben and Chloe because I was too afraid of being hurt to let them inside my heart?”

  “I don’t think you did,” he said stiffly.

  “It’s a long story but look at the happy ending, just because I decided Eben’s love was worth far more to me than my pride. You’re the most courageous man I know, Will. You’ve walked through hell these last few years. I know that, know that you’ve endured more than anyone should have to—a pain that most of us probably couldn’t even guess at. Don’t you think you’ve been through enough? You deserve happiness. Do you really think you’re going to find it traveling around the world, leaving behind your home and everyone who loves you?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, more struck by her words than he cared to admit. “But I’m going anyway. This is your wedding day. I don’t want to fight with you about this. I appreciate your concern for me, but everything will be fine.”

  She sighed and probably would have said more but Eben came up behind them at that moment.

  “What does a guy have to do to get a dance with his bride?”

  “Just ask,” Will said. “She’s all yours.”

  He kissed Sage on the cheek and released her. “Thanks for the dance and the advice,” he said. “Congratulations again to both of you.”

  Much a
s he loved her, he was relieved to walk away and leave her to Eben. He didn’t need more of her lectures about how he was making a mistake to leave or her not-so-subtle hints about Julia.

  What he needed was to get out of here, and soon. He couldn’t take much more.

  He made it almost to the door when he felt a sharp tug on his jacket. He turned around and found Maddie Blair standing beside him wearing a frilly blue party dress and a blazing smile.

  His heart caught just a little but he probed around and realized he no longer had the piercing pain he used to whenever he saw Julia’s dark-haired daughter.

  “Hi,” she said.

  He forced himself to smile back. “Hi yourself.”

  “I had to tell you how much I love, love, love my dollhouse. It’s the best dollhouse in the whole world! Thank you so much!”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “Did you know it has a doorbell that really works? And it even has a secret closet in the bedroom that you open a special way.”

  “I believe I did know that.”

  He had finally finished the dollhouse late into the night two days before and had dropped it off at Brambleberry House, leaving it covered with a tarp on the porch for Julia to find. He knew it was cowardly to drop it off in the middle of the night. He should have picked a time when he could help carry it up the stairs for her, but he hadn’t been able to face her.

  “I would like to dance with you,” Maddie announced, leaving him no room for arguments.

  “Um, sure,” he said, not knowing how to wiggle out of it. “I’d like that.”

  It wasn’t even a lie, he realized to his surprise. He held out his arm in a formal kind of gesture and she grinned and slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. Together they worked their way through the crowd to the dance floor.

  While they danced, Maddie kept up an endless stream of conversation during the dance—about her dolls, about how she was going to go visit Chloe in San Francisco some time, about some mischief her brother had been up to.

  He listened to her light chatter while the music poured around him, making appropriate comments whenever she stopped to take a breath.